Shakin’ Stevens’ Merry Christmas Everyone is like the ur-Christmas chart hit. It’s from the eighties, like all the best music; it features bells and electronica; the video is cheesy and set in the snow; someone is dressed as an elf; it features Father Christmas, children, Shakey in a Christmas jumper, a snowball fight, a sleigh ride and, at 3:19, a key change. There’s also a beautiful moment at 3:44 where Shakey sings “children playing, having fun” whilst standing behind two children who are very evidently doing neither.

Merry Christmas Everyone is the song Cliff would have made if he hadn’t insisted on making Christmas all about Jesus. It’s a jaunty slice of electronic rock’n’roll perfection and it should be on every Christmas compilation, including this one.

Meanwhile, I’m delighted to introduce you to Kathleen Saville and Olive Woodward, both 89, who are paving the way for Shona and me, who plan, as they have done, to move into the same care home after being friends for seventy-eight years.