Olympic rage

I have spent seven years defending the London Olympics to everyone who thinks they are a terrible waste of money and effort. “The Olympics”, I have said more than once, “are the only time when the nations of the world come together in an activity which isn’t a war. They represent the best of human society and endeavour, and we should celebrate them”.

I still think that, but Londoners have been exposed to an increasing amount of games-related publicity in the last few weeks, and I think I’ve finally snapped. It’s not the solemn entreaties to walk or cycle instead of taking public transport this summer (although unless you’re going to refund some of my £160 monthly travel costs, Boris, you can fuck right off with that suggestion); nor is it the utter mess they made of ticketing (although I’m separately angry about that). No: the reason my stomach clenches every time I see one of the posters is the unutterably hideous font they’re using to promote the event.

Look at it:

London Olympics text

It looks exactly like the kind of design I used to come up with, freehand, when as a teenager I briefly thought that I might like to be a graphic designer. It was the fact that my fonts looked like this that made me realise I wasn’t good enough. It’s ugly, it’s difficult to read, and most of all it looks half-finished, like a placeholder that’s being used as a joke to remind the designer to replace it with a proper font before he sends the proofs over.

But it’s not a joke, or a placeholder: it’s the font that somebody, somewhere – possibly, even, a committee – has decided should be used to showcase British design talent on the biggest, brightest stage of them all. I feel ashamed every time I look at it, and you know what? I could absolutely have done a better job.

(Also terrible: the logo, which I have ranted about elsewhere, and the mascots, which are so bizarrely awful that I almost can’t bring myself to mention them at all, but just for comparison, here is Misha, the mascot of the 1980 Moscow Olympics. Misha, for the avoidance of doubt, is a bear:

Misha the Olympic bear

…and here are Wenlock and Mandeville, the mascots of the 2012 London Olympics:

wenlock and mandeville

Wenlock and Mandeville are, uh, they’re…aliens? In…cycle helmets? Cute! I want one!

Still, at least they aren’t named after a small-town law firm. Oh.)

Bram Stoker and the Lyceum Theatre

Bram Stoker

Last Friday was the hundredth anniversary of Bram Stoker’s death, and to mark the occasion the Dracula Society (I know, I had no idea either) held a celebratory event at the Lyceum Theatre, to which I was lucky enough to be invited as a representative of The Public Reviews, a website which does what it says on the tin.

It all lasted about an hour, and most of that was people standing around drinking, so I had to be creative in order to get a thousand words out of it, but it was worth it because now I really want to re-watch all the old Dracula films, and I can’t think of a better way of spending what promises to be another wet weekend.

The piece is here.

John Renbourn

Wizz Jones, Robin Williamson and John Renbourn
L-R: Wizz Jones, Robin Williamson, John Renbourn, on a crappy phone camera

When Bert Jansch died, I said here that I was going to make a list of the musicians I wanted to make the effort to see while I still had the chance. I never made the list, partly because it’s a bit morbid to try and come up with a list of musicians who you think might die soon, but mostly because I am lazy and don’t follow up on my promises.

But someone who would have been on the list, because he was a contemporary of Jansch’s, was John Renbourn, who I am delighted to say I saw perform on Saturday night at the Union Chapel, and my goodness, it was terrific. At the Union Chapel you can sit about twelve feet from the performers, so we did because when you are watching guitarists, you want to be able to see their fingers. John didn’t speak much (he had raconteur extraordinaire Robin Williamson, formerly of the Incredible String Band, to do that for him), but he made his guitar sing like a young Beach Boy, and seemed to do things with it that oughtn’t to have been physically possible. I am not a guitarist, but I had one seated either side of me, and they both agreed afterwards that there were notes in there which, even with three people playing (Wizz Jones was the third), seemed to come from nowhere at all.

There is music which is designed to take you outside of yourself – prog rock, trance, punk – and there are musicians who can transport you to somewhere entirely new (I always think that seeing Bobby McFerrin perform live is the closest thing we have to evidence for the existence of a higher plane). And then there is music which takes you deep down inside of yourself, and for me that is acoustic blues and folk guitar. Sitting in the Union Chapel with a cup of tea and my coat still on because try though they might, it is not a well-heated space, I seemed to live my life again in a series of images and memories which the music evoked. Not because they were songs I knew – less than half of them were – but just because the very sound of them spoke to a half-hidden part of me, where unremembered thoughts and feelings live.

I don’t think this is because I was a blues musician in a previous life, or because the music invokes supernatural presences: I think it’s because this is the music I heard before I heard anything else, and what it arouses in me is probably more or less the same set of feelings that any sudden sharp sensory link to my early childhood would, but that doesn’t make it any less interesting.

I count myself lucky to have been brought up by this music, because there is something timeless about it – I joked on the night that we were the youngest people there but we weren’t, not by a long way – and I’m not sure it would be the same if my earliest musical memories were of the Village People or Boney M. There are other types of music which transcend their time, of course – jazz, classical – but their time was earlier. Davy Graham, Bert Jansch and the three white-haired geniuses I saw at the Union Chapel were living, breathing artists when I first heard them, all the more so to me because the way I first heard them was not on vinyl or cassette but on wood and steel, tapped out by my dad on his own guitars. This music made me, and it was a privilege to be able to see it first-hand.

I didn’t record any of the show, because that would be rude, so here instead is a lovely video from the olden days.

Three photos

Here are three things I have seen this week.

Thoughful graffiti in Dublin:

Burn the bankers. Actually.

A friendly notice in a cafeteria, also in Dublin:

Enjoy!

A toilet called “Laura”, in Crystal Palace:

Why would you give a girls' name to a lavatory? Why?

 

The worm that turned

Out running this morning, I noticed a worm apparently stranded on the pavement, which was wet overnight but had dried out in the morning sun. The first time I went past him, I swerved to avoid him. The second time I thought, he’s going to dry out if he stays there – so I very gently picked him up with a twig and moved him to the grass at the side of the road.

The third time, he was determinedly making his way back to where he’d started. Here he is on my fourth pass, almost back in the middle of the pavement:

a wom

He clearly knew exactly what he was doing, and I had interrupted and made him have to start all over again. I felt a bit embarrassed.