Category Archives: Sport

Down to the wire

So. Crystal Palace’s survival in the Championship (what we used to call Division One, and before that Division Two – do keep up) will be determined by the outcome of our last game of the season – against the other relegation candidates, Sheffield Wednesday, at Hillsborough this Sunday.

We could have guaranteed safety by beating West Brom at Selhurst Park last night, but we could only manage a 1-1 draw, which under usual circumstances we would have thought a good result. These are not usual circumstances, though: the club went into administration in January and was docked ten points. Without the deduction, we’d have been basking in mid-table obscurity, like we do every other season.

As far as football goes, it hasn’t been a terrible season, you see. We’re not Portsmouth, which is why we still have a chance of staying up. Two chances, in fact: Wednesday are two points behind us, so a draw will be enough for us, whereas they need a win. When Portsmouth went into administration earlier in the season, they were docked nine points. Had our penalty been the same as theirs, last night’s draw would have been enough for us, because we’d be on 49 points to Wednesday’s 46, with a much better goal difference. They’d have needed to beat us by eighteen goals or more to stay up.

It’s OK, I’m not bitter.

As it is, if we are relegated this weekend the club’s unfortunate financial position means we’re unlikely to come straight back up again next year. We’ll become a third-tier club. It’s unthinkable! And that’s assuming the club survives at all, the alternative to which I’m genuinely not thinking about because it’s too horrible. But if it were to happen, the points deduction and subsequent relegation will have been the final nail in the club’s coffin, which rather makes me wonder what the purpose is of penalising already-struggling clubs in this way. After all, it’s the fans, not the the chairmen, or even the players, who stick around after the dust has died down and contemplate the mess that wasn’t of their making.

If you need me on Sunday, I’ll be hiding in a corner somewhere, feeling sick.


Coded messages

There’s a man who stands outside Brixton station some days – not every day – and tells the commuters about god. I’ve never spoken to him, because he’s not of the school of street preaching that encourages audience participation (he is more of a thousand yard stare man), and I’ve never really thought much about him, but I have vaguely noticed that he always, without exception, wears an Arsenal hat. I assumed it was just his hat. Hey, some people like to wear hats. I like to wear hats, and I have a selection that sees me through all the seasons. But some people have one hat.

Yesterday, though, I suddenly wondered whether there wasn’t more to his hat than I had thought. If you are a street preacher, how do you decide when it’s time to do a little street preaching? Does the urge rise within you unbidden, or does something have to happen that goads you into going out and praying at the people of Brixton? And what that might be? No way of knowing, of course – unless! Is the hat a clue? Arsenal, you see, went out of the Champions’ League on Tuesday night in a trouncing by Barcelona. And on Wednesday morning there he was, glaring at the sky and telling us about Jesus. Could his praying patterns possibly be football-related? After all, you wouldn’t wear an Arsenal hat every day, whatever the weather, if you didn’t care, would you?

So I’m going to start following the fortunes of Arsenal FC (the things I do for you) and I’ll report back if there does seem to be a correlation between their ups and downs and those of the sermoniser of SW9.

(Edit: There was another whole bit here before, but it was about work, and on reflection I think it was ill-advised. I’ll tell you all about work another day.)


The Proclaimers

In honour of tonight’s trip to see the Proclaimers, here’s my favourite song of theirs (even though it’s about god, sort of):

Edit: oh boo, sorry, you have to click through to YouTube to watch. It’s worth it, though!

The comments below are almost as much fun as the song. These were my favourites (in case you didn’t already know, Sunshine On Leith is to Hibs fans as Glad All Over is to Palace fans):

Rfc1Darryl
This song is for all scots, not jus hibbs fans, n not jus cause am a rangers man, am probably the only rangers fan ye would ever meet that doesnt wave a union jack, scottish independence 2010 !!

Duncsta22
Good on you man. There is a bit of work to do with the rest of your crew though.


Starry starry night

I stood behind that very nice man Adrian Chiles in the lunch queue earlier. He was wearing knee-length shorts.  I was wearing a shirt dress.


And they’re away!

A thrilling start to the new Championship season as Palace thunder to a 1-1 draw with Plymouth. Sigh.

Still, this leaves us in ninth place, thanks to our early alphabetical position. This might be the highest we get all season, so make the most of it!


Snooker loopy

I am following Palace’s progress as keenly as ever – we are doing our usual trick of starting off badly and then suddenly starting to do well when the season is half over, putting paid to any chances of automatic promotion but keeping the agonising possibility of a playoff place open for as long as possible before it all ends in disappointment.

But I haven’t been to a game all season, which makes it hard to write about much which the papers and bloggers haven’t already given a better-informed view on.  As soon as there’s a hint of spring in the air I will do what I can to rectify this omission.

And in the meantime, there’s snooker!  I have been a fan ever since I used the 1997 World Championship as a distraction from revising for my finals and happened to be watching when Ronnie O’Sullivan made the fastest-ever maximum break against Mick Price.  I was hooked instantly, and I’ve watched as much of each subsequent televised tournament as I’ve been able to fit the rest of my life around (snooker is not always on at the most convenient times for those of us with jobs).

But it’s taken me nearly twelve years to actually go and watch a game, and on Sunday I finally managed it at the opening sessions of the Masters at Wembley Arena.  Brilliantly, tickets for the early games only cost £10, and for that we got a full day’s play, Stephen Maguire beating wee Graeme Dott (“the pocket dynamo!”) in the morning session and Ronnie beating Joe Perry in the afternoon.  Both games were good, but the crowd were obviously more excited about the second game, something about the way Ronnie plays inviting a passion and a loyalty that the other players don’t seem to arouse.  True to form, he gave his fans an agonising wait for his eventual victory, conceding a frame when he only needed one snooker and dropping behind more than once.  The final frame, at 5-5, was very tense and great fun to watch.

Football will always be my first love, and I will never be able to feel about a player the way I can about a team, but £10 for seven hours’ play in the warm indoors is bargainously good compared to £25 for ninety minutes in the cold outdoors, not to mention how much closer to the action one can be at the snooker (we were even on TV).

I enjoyed it so much I’m going back for the evening session in Sunday’s final (less bargainously cheap, more exciting).  Look out for me on BBC2.  If I see you I’ll wave.


Sport

I haven’t had much to say about Crystal Palace so far this season, partly because I haven’t been since mid-August and partly because we’ve had such a dismal start to the season that there are very few reasons to be cheerful.  This weekend, in the spirit of adventure, inclusiveness and the desire to support a winning side, I decided to support Great Britain and Europe in the Davis and Ryder cups respectively.  (That’s TENNIS and GOLF).  Anyway, it was all quite exciting, but both sides lost.  I hope my support isn’t a guarantee of failure.  I used to put a bet on the Grand National each year until my horse broke its leg and had to be shot two years running, and I started to feel as though I was condemning an innocent animal to death before it had even started.


End-of-season prediction

Here’s how the teams line up in the Championship table this afternoon, after one game. And the funny thing is, I can imagine the list looking exactly like this in nine months’ time when the season comes to a close, assuming poor old Derby don’t suddenly find some form.  Let’s check back next May and see how accurate it was.

(Image swiped from BBC sport)


Unexpected

I heart Palace’s new strip, which was voted for by the fans and recollects a design used in the 1970s and 80s.  But I’ve just noticed that it bears an uncanny resemblance to what Rangers are wearing away this season.  Boo!


And they’re off!

The new season starts today, for people who follow proper football. We’re at home to Watford, and I can’t go because I’m on call for work, which entails being within fifteen minutes of a broadband connection at all times.

I’m predicting Palace 2-1 Watford. We went to watch a pre-season friendly against Fulham, which was actually Dougie Freedman’s testimonial (WHO LET THE DOUG OUT!), and, whilst it was a completely rubbish game, there were some points from which I thought we could take cautious hope. The two youngsters, Scannell and Moses, both looked good, as did a new signing from Bristol City, Nick Carle, who if he continues to play well I will forgive for acting like an arse in the away leg of the play-off semi-final last season, when he took five minutes to leave the pitch after being substituted.

Meanwhile, I’m watching the swimming, the builders who have been making car crash noises on the roof all morning appear to have disappeared, and Final Score is back this afternoon. It could be worse.

Update: it ended 0-0.  Still, a point’s a point.  Onwards and upwards!


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